2.19.2021

It causes discomfort to anyone that loves me. They take it upon themselves to care if i’m happy. The truth is i’m always blue. It always comes back to me. Saying it out loud makes it easier for me, not for you, but for me. I give it a new name I give it a new meaning. I have so much to unpack and to heal. I don’t know what else to say to comfort you. I do this for me and my selves and the people who see their selves in me too. I don’t mean harm, what I’m doing is repairing. I sit with my blue. I’m always getting better but I’m always feeling blue. I think I have body dysmorphia. I think when you said I was a fat bitch I believed you and it never went away. I think when I look in the mirror I stop looking and my other eyes get in the way. My other eyes think I’m skinny enough today. I said don’t comment on my weight, you say but you look so good. I said don’t comment on my weight but you love to anyway. My other eyes think I could be skinnier today. But my bitch is coming back soon, she’s coming back soon and I’m gunna be skinny by then for sure, I’m gunna be skinny by then for sure. My other eyes won’t get in the way, I’m gunna be skinny by then for sure.