5.30.2021

noticing more of me for me is helpful. when i get there i will be equipped with  my own peace to offer, everything else is what i can’t control. it’s important that when it arrives it comes with peace and intimacy with ease.

what i need to do is categorize my mental library of tools and experiences that will heighten my mother-daughter experience. everything we need as a unit will get me there. for me, parenthood is ensuring that the plans are as sound as you can make them. i haven’t been the worst parent but i can be better. i haven’t thought about my independant well-being as well as i should have been. i face the repercussions of that daily. they come in the form of bad days and they come in the form of blessings. i have been spoiled to many extents but i have also been deserving. still, my rehab and my refuge is an extension of my community in various ways. i feel so removed from everyone that i have loved, but their happiness and peace inspires me. my happines doesn’t look like bright yellow but i do feel it often for others. something tells me that doing what i need to do for myself is what will get me there.



5.30.2021

...
GIRL motions to get off her chair but sits back down.

GIRL

also, does anyone remember that poem by Sandra Cisneros, you know the one. ah, the one that always destroys me. i read that poem and i chant get away from me poem get away.

GIRL stands and clears her throat to recite the poem.

     
GIRL
                        
Her face will turn red
        and she will throw one shoe.
        My father will say nothing.
After a while everyone will forget it.
Years and years will pass.
My mother will stop mentioning it.
This is me she is carying.
I am a baby.
she does not know I will turn out bad.