5.28.2021

what would be more true than spending my friday night writing. lo-fi hip hop radio. sometimes i miss the condo. what i am is done missing. i want to be thankful. looking at old words. i have been in pain for so long. i don’t want it. i want to learn past it. it’s going to require facing so much more pain. what more could arrive. one task at a time will get me there. making more art just because will get me there. just get me to the 8th month. in the 8th month things will be better but only if i let go right now. let go right now. please i’m begging me to. i am doing drugs everyday i am drinking everyday. in moderation. in secret. in loud and impatient. i am escaping as much as i can today and yesterday was the same as the other day i hope tomorrow i am thankful. a lot of this is vomit i can’t seem to get out of me.

Bella